Programs + Standards

Published on April 1st, 2008 | by Philip Proefrock

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New Levels of LEED

Modular kitten insulation

A new top-level LEED classification called Unobtanium is being proposed to replace the currently proposed Protactinium level, leading to a possible schism in the growing green building rating system.  Whether Protactinium or Unobtanium becomes the new top-level of the LEED rating system…?

Earlier this year, officials proposed a new level of LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) that is higher than the current top-end Platinum rating. The new Protactinium level introduces more stringent requirements to ensure the purity of the design team and to verify their worthiness to obtain such a noble rating for their building.

In order to qualify for the standard, building designers must commit to a lifetime of celibacy and staff the building exclusively with doe-eyed orphans from third world countries. The building must be a net CO2 sink, producing more oxygen than it consumes. Any bamboo used in construction must be certified panda-free. In the event that straw bale construction is used, the straw must be free-range, sustainably harvested straw.

The building must also levitate above the ground to preserve the site for future use. Only free-range, sustainably harvested electromagnets may be used to levitate the building. The electromagnets should also give back 10% of their energy to levitate doe-eyed orphans in third world countries.

The modular “block” kitten insulation system (pictured above) will be used in standard 6-inch wall construction, and should be up to 50% cuter than other insulation systems presently on the market.

Further discussion about the merits of Protatinium level LEED, including the initial proposal and commentary from a range of professionals, can be found on the architectural discussion site Archinect.

Earlier coverage from Treehugger.

(Kudos to moose drool [whose handle happens to rhyme with April Fools, too!] for the initial protactinium outline.)

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