Programs + Standards

Published on April 1st, 2008 | by Philip Proefrock

20

New Levels of LEED

Modular kitten insulation

A new top-level LEED classification called Unobtanium is being proposed to replace the currently proposed Protactinium level, leading to a possible schism in the growing green building rating system.  Whether Protactinium or Unobtanium becomes the new top-level of the LEED rating system…?

Earlier this year, officials proposed a new level of LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) that is higher than the current top-end Platinum rating. The new Protactinium level introduces more stringent requirements to ensure the purity of the design team and to verify their worthiness to obtain such a noble rating for their building.

In order to qualify for the standard, building designers must commit to a lifetime of celibacy and staff the building exclusively with doe-eyed orphans from third world countries. The building must be a net CO2 sink, producing more oxygen than it consumes. Any bamboo used in construction must be certified panda-free. In the event that straw bale construction is used, the straw must be free-range, sustainably harvested straw.

The building must also levitate above the ground to preserve the site for future use. Only free-range, sustainably harvested electromagnets may be used to levitate the building. The electromagnets should also give back 10% of their energy to levitate doe-eyed orphans in third world countries.

The modular “block” kitten insulation system (pictured above) will be used in standard 6-inch wall construction, and should be up to 50% cuter than other insulation systems presently on the market.

Further discussion about the merits of Protatinium level LEED, including the initial proposal and commentary from a range of professionals, can be found on the architectural discussion site Archinect.

Earlier coverage from Treehugger.

(Kudos to moose drool [whose handle happens to rhyme with April Fools, too!] for the initial protactinium outline.)




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20 Responses to New Levels of LEED

  1. Joel Bittle says:

    love the cats

    Where does one find certified panda free bamboo?

  2. Joel Bittle says:

    love the cats

    Where does one find certified panda free bamboo?

  3. I’m just howling at this, Philip… nicely done!

  4. I’m just howling at this, Philip… nicely done!

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  6. chris says:

    unobtainium… thats the said same mineral we used to reach the core when it stopped spinning and almost destroyed the earth in 2003. fun times…

  7. chris says:

    unobtainium… thats the said same mineral we used to reach the core when it stopped spinning and almost destroyed the earth in 2003. fun times…

  8. I really can’t take credit for this. The original poster from Archinect (and the follow-up discussion) was what made this.

    @ Joel: I think almost all bamboo from Canada is certified panda-free.

  9. I really can’t take credit for this. The original poster from Archinect (and the follow-up discussion) was what made this.

    @ Joel: I think almost all bamboo from Canada is certified panda-free.

  10. Gavin Hudson says:

    Very funny post…. hm… a house of kittens… excellent. ;)

  11. Gavin Hudson says:

    Very funny post…. hm… a house of kittens… excellent. ;)

  12. Benjamin says:

    The requirement for panda-free bamboo is a serious impediment to the business of building a LEED-Unobtanium rated building and lacks flexibility. I suggest offsetting any bamboo use with panda-credits that could be traded on the international market.
    Benjamin

  13. Benjamin says:

    The requirement for panda-free bamboo is a serious impediment to the business of building a LEED-Unobtanium rated building and lacks flexibility. I suggest offsetting any bamboo use with panda-credits that could be traded on the international market.
    Benjamin

  14. Billy Congo says:

    Thank goodness someone came up with a use for those darn cats! Where do I apply to have my cats converted? Do I get a tax credit?

  15. Billy Congo says:

    Thank goodness someone came up with a use for those darn cats! Where do I apply to have my cats converted? Do I get a tax credit?

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  17. MichelleS. says:

    LOL! I just became a LEED AP (thanks to Clean Edison!!) and I have to say you had me fooled! This is hilarious, I was about to throw a tantrum thinking I had to retake another test because of the “new” ratings till I kept reading..thanks for my laugh of the day :)

  18. MichelleS. says:

    LOL! I just became a LEED AP (thanks to Clean Edison!!) and I have to say you had me fooled! This is hilarious, I was about to throw a tantrum thinking I had to retake another test because of the “new” ratings till I kept reading..thanks for my laugh of the day :)

  19. Pingback: Straw Insulation for the Home | eco-update.com

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